CharlieDean

13 Comments Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

1. Emily says:

   April 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm

   I’m not sure about the truth of the statement, but it certainly sums up how I feel sometimes – particularly when I’m feeling misunderstood or not getting my way (generally in my more irrational moments).

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2. Jason says:

   April 6, 2011 at 2:42 pm

   I would agree. when you are in an intimate relationship the reality of the relationship, or the story that relationship creates governs your sense of reality. When you enter an emotionally charged situation, like say an intimate relationship you will find all objectivity goes out the window. Its part of the process that allows you to make good, yet seemingly irrational choices.

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3. Eric says:

   April 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

   It should be amended to say “Objective reality has no place in close personal relationships…with girls.”

   I’m joking of course, but I really do find it difficult sometimes to abandon the (sometimes cold) logic that I generally rely on and instead view things through the lens of the history of our relationship instead of things I know (or believe) to be true.

   Jason said it really well- the self sacrifice and intimacy required for a healthy romantic relationship is often at odds with the obvious or “logical” solution. In a good way.

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4. Steve Harris says:

   April 6, 2011 at 7:55 pm

   The axiom is, “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be married?” My “objective reality” of what I said and my noble motive that fueled the remark have little bearing if the recipient was truly hurt or offended. My initial response then is to explain, explain, explain myself in an attempt to convince. I (and more importantly she and we) would be much better off if I were to comfort or console her, rather than attempting to convince her of my “objective reality.” After 34 years Ifind myself still, on occasion, trying to explain, explain, explain when, at that point, she rightly does not give a rip about my “objective reality;” she’s wanting me to comfort the wound of spirit I have inflicted. Another 34 years and maybe I’ll get it right.

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5. Renae says:

   April 6, 2011 at 7:57 pm

   I wouldn’t say that objective reality has NO place in relationships- I would say that it is pretty hard to access. Being a counselor, sometimes my job is to try to find the objective reality in relationships that come in front of me but even that is hard to do since I am a relational being myself. I would say that there have to be some facts we can use, otherwise I’m not sure we would get anywhere. For example, objective reality tells me that my husband is quite a good navigator- it keeps me from getting lost a lot of the time- if there were no objective reality, we might never get anywhere we are going!

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6. Zach says:

   April 6, 2011 at 10:05 pm

   I think this is a pertinent anecdote that supports the quote.

   http://zachpflederer.wordpress.com/2010/12/21/but-honey/

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7. Zach says:

   April 6, 2011 at 10:11 pm

   And as an addendum, I think the quote is wrong simply because it is an absolute that leaves no room for exception.

   Absolute statements that leave no room for exception are always wrong.

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8. Charlie Dean says:

   April 7, 2011 at 8:39 am

   @Steve Harris – Well said! We’ve read the same book! (That’s because you recommended it to me.).

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9. michaeldanner says:

   April 7, 2011 at 9:47 am

   good stuff! I also wonder about the role of dreaming, conspiring for a better tomorrow, giving people room to grow, etc. On many occasions I’ve worked with family systems that function in this way: When a person makes a particular mistake, they are treated as if they will always and forever make that same mistake. There is no room for growth or change over time. Yesterday’s objective reality becomes fixed as the “truth” about a persons beliefs, attitudes, actions, etc.,etc. going forward.

   At the same time, sometimes the hope of a better tomorrow is all that gets us through the objective reality of today. Life is hard. Relationships are hard. The belief that things can get better, can change, can improve, mature, grow, etc. is what hope in relationships is often built on. Once it’s gone – if all you have is objective reality in the midst of difficulty – then quitting seems like the best (and perhaps only) option.

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10. Mitchell says:

    April 7, 2011 at 11:17 am

    This is a topic that I would like to get in a discussion with someone to work through some ideas. We often see bare facts as the ultimate truth, but they are, in fact, the lowest and least helpful form of truth. It is in this space that postmodern philosophy gets really interesting.

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11. Vicky says:

    April 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    @Mitchell – I would be up for that discussion Ryan!

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12. Eric says:

    April 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Hey whatever happened to that context we were promised? I demand a refund!

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13. Charlie Dean says:

    April 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    @Eric – Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Steve nailed it. I couldn’t think of anything to add that would be more illuminating!

    And while I’m interested about postmodern philosophy, Terrance Real probably isn’t. LOL.

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